Finally Retired, And Now You Want A Divorce???

Divorce rates within the older population are rising.  Dang!

Based on historical research, Statistics Canada projected the life expectancy for the Canadian population in 2017 to be 79 years for men and 83 years for women.  I have no idea if their projections were accurate, however, we know that people are living a heck of a lot longer than they did in the past.

Assuming we gain knowledge and wisdom about life in each extra year we live, it makes sense that people would also know more about communication and getting along with each other.

Hmmm, it seems my assumption is whacked up badly. 

A July 2018 article in the Ottawa Citizen, reveals some interesting information.  The author claims that, based on research in US, Australia, India, and the UK, divorce rates among the Baby Boomers is rising.  Statistics Canada doesn’t track this information.  However, if it is happening in those countries, I’m expecting it is the same in Canada.

The big difference is that in Canada we say, “I’m sorry dear. I want a divorce.”  And our partner says, “A divorce, eh?”

Does this mean that marriage has a “best before” date?

Funny?

No way!  This is serious business.  What is the solution?

Set the pride aside; and make a stand for love.

Our Stats:

Group one:  In the hundreds of couples that Carol and I have worked with over the past few years, we’ve found that there is a significant percentage that range in age from the mid-20’s to late 30’s.   These couples have the confidence and courage to say things such as:

  • “This relationship stuff is hard work. We’ve never received training in this, and we need your help.”
  • “We got married with the intention of having many happy, joyful years together. What we’re doing isn’t working.  Can you show us the way?”
  • “We didn’t have good role models. What do we need to do so our kids can learn a better way?”

Set the pride aside; and make a stand for love.

Group two:  The other grouping of couples, that makes up the largest percentage, range in age from mid-50’s and up.  Common themes with these couples are:

  • “We’ve _________(farmed, worked our careers, run our business, etc), raised our kids, and we’ve lost touch with each other. What now?”
  • “Retirement is looming and we’re not sure how we’ll spend our time together. Please help us learn to get along with each other.”
  • “It’s hell to be trapped in a motorhome with someone you don’t know how to talk to. We love each other, but can you help us learn how to show it?”
  • “We’re starting to see the same patterns we saw in our previous marriages, and we don’t want this one to end that way. Can you help us break the patterns?”

Set the pride aside; and make a stand for love.

Besides the emotional, social, and spiritual chaos that arises with divorce in later years, a big challenge is financial.  Most couples have accumulated a significant net worth which also includes material assets that have special meaning.  Worth and value are not the same.  I’ve got nothing against lawyers, but we all know they will take their healthy share to sort it out.

In some situations, the trust has been depleted to a point where reconciliation is not possible. In those cases, coaching can support the couple so they can go their separate ways treating each other with honesty, kindness, and respect.  They can learn and create tools to set their emotions “on hold” so decisions can be made rationally, and to minimize the chaos mentioned above.  This is not easy to do on your own, yet with coaches’ help, you are held accountable to your choices and results.

Set the pride aside; and make a stand for love.

In most situations, the love exists – in some cases, it’s only a spark. Being willing to work together, each person can make small enhancements to their habitual ways of thinking, speaking and behaving, so desired experiences are the result.  Habits have developed slowly, so changing them takes time, commitment, and support.  Couples Coaching supports the individuals, so they become their own best support system for each other – to ensure long-term sustainability and happiness.  Awareness grows, and they begin to co-create an amazing life they want together.

Set the pride aside; and make a stand for love.

As I age and see friends, neighbours, and family dying, I feel great urgency.  There is not a second of my life to waste in anger, frustration, worry, guilt, or anything that is not-love.

I know that the only way I can truly give and create value, and leverage my fullest potential, is when my relationship with Carol is rock-solid.  With that foundation, we can both be more effective and productive professionally, and in our community.  This has a positive affect on our society and in the bigger sense, the world.

The increase of the “silver splitters” may be a trend, but that’s not going to stop us from striving to make the trend go the other way, in our own marriage, and as role models and supporters of others.  We’ve all got so much to love for.

Set the pride aside; and make a stand for love.

What do you think or feel about what you’ve read and heard?

Let’s have a conversation, shall we?

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