Uncle Jack died. That’s the fact.
He was a very special man, and besides being my uncle, he was a great mentor and a dear friend.
I don’t want condolences; not at all. Congratulations? Yes, because I have learned many wonderful lessons through this experience; lessons about how I can be even more engaged in every moment I have on this planet.
I don’t know if these thoughts will support you in times of loss, but I find it extremely healing and freeing to get them out of my mind and onto paper, so I can move forward and really apply them. I appreciate you for allowing me to share.
Moments. Yes, how many will there be? I know, as you do, that the quantity of moments you and I have is declining with each breath. To me that’s not discouraging, but exciting because I get to choose how I use every one of them. So do you.
I’ve used many moments over the past few weeks reflecting upon the wonderful experiences I had with Uncle Jack. I pondered what was going on for Uncle Jack when he decided to make that final transition. And more importantly, I ponder why I choose to continue to face the challenges and trials of the day rather than decide to make a final transition. I don’t know about you, but I’ve had several experiences where it would have been easy to make that transition choice, but for some reason, I dug deep inside for a strength I didn’t know I had, and took another breath. Why?
For me, it’s because I want to experience one more morning with the snow sparkling in the bright sunlight, against the backdrop of a royal blue, crystal clear sky, and to really appreciate it. I haven’t done it enough – yet.
And I want to experience one more springtime. I want to really notice the leaves on the trees, their changing colour, the smell in the air, the taste of the raindrops on my tongue, and to splash in the puddles. And I want to laugh with joy and really appreciate it all, even more than I have in the past. I haven’t done it enough – yet.
I want to learn how to let go of my attachments to should’s, must’s, have-to’s, and need-to’s because I know that my ability to grow, learn, and create is hampered by those feelings. From now on I will accept my tasks joyfully, with focus and passion because when I’m in that mental space, I can alter time. Some call this “being in the flow.” I can do this, but I haven’t done it enough – yet.
I want to really love. Yes, I want to “be in love,” and I want to give love to others unconditionally, and to hug and touch and feel it, like a warm blanket wrapped around me. And mostly I want to totally “be love,” a calmness, peace, and tranquility that radiates outward and touches everyone I encounter. I really want to “do” this and “be” this because I haven’t really learned how to do that enough – yet.
I’m not ready for the transition because I’ve got too much forgiveness to do. My life here can’t end until I’ve learned to forgive myself for all of the grudges and grievances and blocks I’ve placed between me and others. No, I don’t need to forgive anyone else; only me – I’m the one who made-up the stories. I know I can do this, and I am and I will, but I haven’t done it enough – yet.
I’m glad Uncle Jack made his choice to let go and I celebrate his life. With fond memories, I’m going to keep on living, loving, and laughing; because I haven’t done it enough – yet.