The Miracle of Marriage – Or Is It? 4 communication basics for any relationship

Does something miraculous happen when two people get married?  Or is it the communication within the marriage that breeds success? Hmmm?

We have two amazing sons, Jamie and Brad. They are incredibly intelligent, creative, kind, respectful, and accountable – leaders in their communities and in our world.  Despite our parental foibles, we must have done some things right.

As of Dec. 6, we have a daughter too.  No, Carol did not give birth – that would have been a miracle.

Brad and Lorah were legally married at Emerald Lake, BC.  Lorah also exudes qualities of excellence as a human being.  We feel honoured that Brad and Lorah have chosen to commit themselves to their co-created relationship – a choice.

Communication in marriage

For them, marriage is important. Although they’ve lived together for several years, this event was one outward sign of a much greater inner union that already exists between them.  It was a proclamation to the world, “We are in this together for the long-term, through thick and thin.”

Carol and I have coached with hundreds and hundreds of couples – some married and some not.  Although research shows there is a greater level of stick-to-it-ness with marriage, we believe the miracle of marriage can be cultivated in any relationship – married or not. 

What is the miracle?

Communication is the solution

Communication is extremely broad, so let’s explore only four basics.

Commitment

This is a promise, or guarantee to fully “show up” in your own life and in the relationship. 

With some couples, we relate their relationship as similar to a Company, with two willing and equal shareholders. Each 50% shareholder promises to do whatever they can, and more, to ensure the Company thrives for the long-term, and to ensure that both shareholders gain a healthy return on their investment of resources (time, talent, treasure).

Both partners know there will be times of vibrancy, fulfillment, and success.  As entrepreneurs, they also know there will be times of mistakes, miscalculations, miscommunication, and disappointment. Come hell or high water (or maybe both), there is a dedication from both partners to support themselves, each other, and the Company in a kind, respectful manner.

The success principles that work in a business also work in the relationship. One of these principles is regular meetings of the shareholders, which relates to the miracle…

Communication is the solution

Honesty

Communication can only be successful, when both parties feel valued, heard, understood, and appreciated for their contribution.  This does not mean you agree with each other on all things.  However, it does mean that you both choose to share your thoughts and feelings honestly, openly, and respectfully. When one person is sharing, it also means the other chooses to listen to understand, not to defend or debate.

I believe conflicting opinions can (and should) be invited and highly-valued in a relationship, because when handled effectively and constructively, these differences result in immense creativity and innovation. The couple come up with solutions and agreements that are far superior to what either person thought about on their own. When honesty is present, you experience the miracle…

Communication is the solution

Vulnerability

A choice to be vulnerable is another significant component to effective communication.  This is even deeper than honesty. 

Vulnerability is defined as “exposure to risk.”  This may sound dangerous to you.

communication in marriage

Yet, when there is a high level of commitment and honesty, vulnerability is a position of possibility, probability, and a willingness to stretch for excellence. Vulnerability is the choice to share all of who you are with your partner – to laugh, cry, mourn, rejoice, and bare your soul, knowing your partner is there to support you as no other person on this planet can – and knowing it is totally confidential. With vulnerability, an wholistic sense of spiritual connection occurs and you experience the miracle…

Communication is the solution

Accountability

To me, accountability is the pinnacle principle of successful life, which includes a love-full relationship with your partner.  Accountability is ownership of every thought, word, action, result, and feeling you have, at all times. 

When you both choose to live this way, the power between expands exponentially.  A symbiotic quality results. The focus is on a powerful vision for your future, a flexible plan to get there, and an “in-the-moment” presence to ensure love and joy are experienced most of the time.  There is an awareness that only “now” exists, and effort is exhibited to make every “now” the best it can be. I believe there is also a desire to work together to make a bigger positive effect in the world – beyond just the two of you. 

How do you choose accountability?  It’s found in the miracle…

Communication is the solution

Is there a miracle in the institution of marriage?

For some, it may seem so – it is a choice.

For us, it can be wrapped-up in the choice to live with awareness, joy, and love, which are all the same thing.  Yet, to get there…

Communication is the solution

Married or not, the miracle is a choice in each moment.  What are you going to choose now?

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